"It Goes So Fast"

It's so often that I'm out with the kids, and people say, "Enjoy it now, it goes so fast."

With MY kids, though, more often, it's, "Oh, yes, I remember those days," meaning when my kids were pulling stuff off shelves, running away from their mother, shrieking, crying, throwing themselves on the floor in the middle of a store, asking for things, throwing things, poking their fingers through fresh bread, and biting packaged cheese.

The kindest people say, "It won't be like this forever."

One of my best and oldest friends, Brooke, sent me a video of a mother who had two boys. Brooke also has two boys. Of course, every parenting experience is different, but having two boys is special, and there's a bond with other moms who have two boys. This video pointed out that you think the children will always be willing to cuddle up with you and ask for a story at bed time, and love you, and want to hold your hand, and basically, the point is that all of a sudden they're going off to college.

I was just thinking, it's so true. What I said in the second paragraph is also, true, and more of the time, they are doing those things than snuggling up for a story or asking me to sing them a song when they are in bed. But it must even out, because I keep doing what I do, and I keep loving them. And those little moments, I enjoy. I often think about how fast time is going by.

They are crazy, but at least I have those little moments. When they're teenagers, you only get the crazy.

Just the other day I was dressing Sam in some hand-me-downs of Henry's. He was in Henry's clothes head to foot, shirt, shorts and even sandals. I said, "Are you my baby?" and he said, "Yes!" But when Henry was wearing those clothes, he didn't seem like a baby. I regret that we didn't get to enjoy the littleness of Henry when he was only Sam's age. Henry has always been the big brother, and he's only 3 1/2. Since he was already 19 months when he came to live with us, and Sam was 3 months, Henry already seemed so big. We didn't get to enjoy any special Henry only time before Sam was born. We didn't get to see his first smile, or steps, or words. And there were a lot of expectations of him because he was bigger.

There are a lot of things I wish I was better at. I want to be kinder. I want to spend more quality time with them. I want to say "I love you" more than "no." I want to squeeze every last, "I love you, Mommy" and giggle and story out of them before they turn into pre-teens and it's over. I don't want to look back and wish I could have this time back and regret that I didn't enjoy the parts that I WAS able to enjoy. When I see their beautiful smiles and their big dark eyes, it's no so bad that I didn't get to conceive and carry them myself. Although I missed a big piece of their lives, I don't want to miss what I have now.

The nearly two years that I've had them have been the hardest and some of the happiest of my life, and I don't want to miss the good parts.

Because it has gone so fast.